Stumbling my way groggily to our little one's bedroom, I was shocked to find that her g-Button had fallen out sometime last night. Whilst this may not necessarily be cause for concern when it initially falls out, it does concern me when we have no idea the timeline. Within hours this hole, that allows a feeding tube to feed her at night, closes completely. If it is closed completely they'd have to perform another gastrointestinal surgery on her to replace the g-Button. Hurriedly and haphazardly I attempted to remain calm for myself as I quickly grabbed my husband to have him attempt a replacement. Alas, it gave too much resistance for his comfort and it was decided that she needed to go to the emergency room.
Throughout the nurse and doctor's tries, our little one screamed what seemed like bloody murder. In their earnest attempts to help her out, she was understandably in quite some pain. As soon as they succeeded (after 20 minutes of varied attempts) she saw my face come out of hiding of my jacket and embraced me with fervent trust.
3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 18:3-4; NIV)
Bella, our little one, had a rough morning. After all of her crying and pain, and not to mention hunger pains from no food throughout the night, she quickly fell asleep in her carseat on the ride home.
It's been hours since that episode this morning and Bella has been playing, eating and cuddling like she does every day. She was sitting in the living room playing with one of her toys when I decided it was time to go downstairs with me and help me make our weekly meal plan and grocery list. As I bent down to pick her up she, as is usual, reached excitedly for me with a huge smile and once in my arms she grabbed my face to kiss me.
Despite the pain and hunger she went through, Bella still grasped for me excitedly with love and eagerness. How many times do we go through pain in our life only to push away our heavenly Father? How often do we, instead, run to Him like little children with eagerness, love and trust? Do you trust Him and His love enough to know that no matter what happens that day, you can run to Him, hug and kiss Him and feel His embrace? There are many times that I don't, and I realized how much I need to work on trusting Him with my heart... not just my words.
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? (Matthew 6:26; NIV)
Did I put Bella in pain? No. Did I have to sit by while she was in pain as the doctor tenderly tried to replace the g-Button sans surgery? Yes. As a human I an unable to take away all of her pains, but as our God and our Father, He is able to save us from so many of our day-to-day pains, anxieties and worries. I do all I can to take care of Bella to the best of my humanly abilities, but it is up to her to trust that I will do all that I can; love her as much as she needs and wants. Our Father cannot force us to trust Him. He can only, every time we stumble, be there to catch us. It is only that we must trust that He will be there as He said and be ready to fall in His arms instead of on our hands trying to push ourselves up.
